Posted on 14 September 2018

On veering toward burnout, again

In 2012 I felt my time being stretched thin— I had two almost full-time jobs and multiple volunteer positions, so I quit a job, I resigned from a board and I vowed to make time for myself. I wrote about it as my 2013 New Year’s resolution under a post called “Quit Stuff. Be Happier.”

“I have my time back. I’m able to see friends more regularly. I’m able to curl up at home once in a while and just read or watch a movie. I’m able to take time for myself, and rest and recharge for when I head out into the world again.”

Well, I’m here to report that did not last. In the intervening years I took on new responsibilities at work and in the volunteer positions I maintained, I added a writing gig and, slowly but surely, the balance I felt like I’d achieved at the beginning of 2013 slipped away until hitting another breaking point earlier this year.

It’s actually shocking how closely my feelings about 2018 echo the words I wrote about 2012:

“It wasn’t any one thing. It was just the cumulative effect of having no evenings, weekends or downtime. Losing touch with friends. Never just sitting and relaxing at home.”

And just as in 2012, the stuff I had committed to stopped being a commitment, which led to guilt, which led to– well, another round of rebalancing. 

As much as I could, I took the summer off. I continued to work, but I did nothing else outside of that– no extra meetings, no new projects. Rather than an extended two or three week vacation, I blocked my time into several super-long-weekends so I had four to five days off in a row a couple times every month. I didn’t use that time to go out of town, instead focusing on connecting with family or friends or finishing projects around the house that have been on my to-do list for years. I read, and I listened to music I love.

Now fall is here and I feel much the same as I did back when I would be going back to school– I’m ready to engage my mind, I’m excited to see people again. After no after-work meetings for months I had two this week, and while at the beginning of the year this would have felt like just another problem on the pile, this time they felt like good, healthy uses of my time.

But this time I’m aware that balance won’t keep itself. Looking back through my blog, I see several posts on a recurring theme: the need for me to learn to control my time (see here, here and here for just a few).

I know I’m not alone in this. Talking to people in real-life, and reading posts online, I know many people feel stretched thin. It’s a major issue and I hope if you are feeling it you are able to 1. validate your feelings and 2. give yourself your time back.

Odds are this is a lesson I’ll need to learn again. But hopefully this time I recognize the signs that things are getting out of control earlier, and I’m able to correct sooner.

Filed under: personal